Tadhg Saxa Cooper
Biography
Tadhg Saxa Cooper - photo courtesy of the author
Born on May 9, 1995, Cooper spent their childhood in Quispamsis, New Brunswick where they were homeschooled until grade five due to their family’s religious beliefs. After their parents separated they moved with their mother to Saint John, New Brunswick’s east side, where they lived until the end of high school. Entering public school was a shock to Cooper, who wasn’t used to having to ask permission to go to the bathroom or having loud bells dictate the order of the day, and they never fully got used to the major change.
Even from a young age Cooper knew their brain worked a little differently. It wasn’t until they were an older teenager that they were diagnosed with major depressive disorder and psychogenic nonepileptic seizures with roots in post-traumatic stress disorder. The heavy medication they had been prescribed contributed to a poor first year at the University of Prince Edward Island, leading them to move back home to Quispamsis to live with thier father. It was during this period of their life that Cooper saw New Brunswick musician Andy Brown perform live for the first time, inspiring them to begin writing poetry. They had previously considered the idea of becoming a poet but had never actually put pen to paper and written their ideas down until this break from university.
Cooper’s love of poetry led them to switch studies from sciences to arts, which included moving to Fredericton, New Brunswick to study at St. Thomas University. But shortly before leaving for STU, Cooper met Deirdre Kessler, poet laureate of PEI. Kessler became a mentor figure to Cooper while they worked on publishing their first poetry book, Of Feathers and Fire. Cooper did their book launch at STU, and gave readings at various events throughout Atlantic Canada, including the Moncton Fry Festival and Fredericton’s Odd Sundays. Cooper also realized they were, in their own words, “bisexual with lesbian tendencies” during this period of their life and has accepted and embraced that part of themself.
Cooper graduated from St. Thomas in May 2019, and is excited to delve deeper into their next poetry manuscript. They can also be found under the name Earthtone Lesbian.
Even from a young age Cooper knew their brain worked a little differently. It wasn’t until they were an older teenager that they were diagnosed with major depressive disorder and psychogenic nonepileptic seizures with roots in post-traumatic stress disorder. The heavy medication they had been prescribed contributed to a poor first year at the University of Prince Edward Island, leading them to move back home to Quispamsis to live with thier father. It was during this period of their life that Cooper saw New Brunswick musician Andy Brown perform live for the first time, inspiring them to begin writing poetry. They had previously considered the idea of becoming a poet but had never actually put pen to paper and written their ideas down until this break from university.
Cooper’s love of poetry led them to switch studies from sciences to arts, which included moving to Fredericton, New Brunswick to study at St. Thomas University. But shortly before leaving for STU, Cooper met Deirdre Kessler, poet laureate of PEI. Kessler became a mentor figure to Cooper while they worked on publishing their first poetry book, Of Feathers and Fire. Cooper did their book launch at STU, and gave readings at various events throughout Atlantic Canada, including the Moncton Fry Festival and Fredericton’s Odd Sundays. Cooper also realized they were, in their own words, “bisexual with lesbian tendencies” during this period of their life and has accepted and embraced that part of themself.
Cooper graduated from St. Thomas in May 2019, and is excited to delve deeper into their next poetry manuscript. They can also be found under the name Earthtone Lesbian.
This is where the madness sets in,
In this dark little room late at night,
When the Sandman decides not to visit.
Am I unworthy of sleep?
Does he find me an unsuitable companion?
Words and memories keep me awake,
And old imaginings have their way with me.
They love me for their mistress.
Let them have me.
We accept a lot of sad somethings
When the alternative is nothing.
Maybe writing is not for me,
Perhaps I should make hats.
Published in Of Feathers and Fire: Fragments from a Fractured Mind. Penumbra Press, 2016.
Republished here with the author’s permission.
In this dark little room late at night,
When the Sandman decides not to visit.
Am I unworthy of sleep?
Does he find me an unsuitable companion?
Words and memories keep me awake,
And old imaginings have their way with me.
They love me for their mistress.
Let them have me.
We accept a lot of sad somethings
When the alternative is nothing.
Maybe writing is not for me,
Perhaps I should make hats.
Published in Of Feathers and Fire: Fragments from a Fractured Mind. Penumbra Press, 2016.
Republished here with the author’s permission.
Critical Analysis: The Misery of Quiet Nights
Sara Nason (English 3101: Advanced Poetry Workshop)
“Mercury Unnecessary” describes a bout of insomnia in a relatable way. Cooper details the agonizing state between wakefulness and sleep at night when the brain will not turn itself off. The poem’s subject – who is likely the author – stays vividly cognizant of surroundings and pleads for rest in the quiet stillness of their bed.
The subject is not just annoyed and grouchy after a long day but is experiencing an aching longing for relief:
Does he [the Sandman] find me an unsuitable companion?
Words and memories keep me awake,
And old imaginings have their way with me.
They love me for their mistress. (ll. 5-8)
What is particularly interesting here is the word choice: “have their way with me,” and “their mistress” have a sexual implication not present in the rest of the poem, unless one reads the Sandman as an actual human rather than a supernatural force. These phrases display the lack of power the subject feels through insomnia rather than sexual feelings. “Have their way with me” and “mistress” both imply a forced submission, just as the subject, in their insomnia, is being forced to remain powerless to their old imaginings. This can be brought further into context with the rest of the collection, wherein an anonymous, former, male lover seems to haunt the subject.
The subject takes control and capitulates to these feelings with the line “let them have me,” regardless of the pain they make them feel, since “the alternative is nothing” (ll. 9-11). Nothing at all in that dark little room is the worse choice for them. These feelings can also be interpreted as depressive thoughts, which Cooper, being diagnosed with major depressive disorder, struggles with daily. The memories and thoughts, though painful, are better than emptiness.
The last two lines of the poem, “Maybe writing is not for me, / Perhaps I should make hats,” while a unique and funny ending, are more than just a breath of humor in an otherwise desolate poem. These lines suggest genuine self-doubt through joking self-deprecation and provide a glimpse at what is troubling the subject: insecurity over creative output and quality. These lines also raise a question that implies the subject is wrestling with whether writing is the right path to take within the very lines of the poem itself. This suggests that Cooper themself is the subject of the poem.
The last line of the poem adds further self-deprecation by referencing the title. Ninteenth century felt hatters were in frequent contact with toxic mercury liquors, dusts, and dyes (Heal 104). This unique, industrious kind of mercury poisoning – also known as mad hatter’s disease, and later erethism – is characterized by loss of mental and physical control (Heal 104). By considering changing from writing to hatting, and that mercury would not be required to do so, Cooper suggests that they are already mad.
The term “madness” is not used lightly, as it frames the whole poem: “This is where the madness sets in / In this dark little room late at night, / When the Sandman decides not to visit” (Cooper ll. 1-3). The problem is not the room and time but being awake in that room and at that time, unable to situate in one world. Faced with the prospect of being broken by the past and self-doubt, the subject instead decides to go for broke and release a poetry collection.
Works Cited (for analysis):
Cooper, S. Of Feathers and Fire: Fragments from a Fractured Mind. Penumbra Press, 2016, p. 29.
Heal, Chris. “Alcohol, Madness and a Glimmer of Anthrax: Disease among the Felt Hatters in the Nineteenth Century.” Textile History, vol. 44, no. 1, 2013, pp. 95-119. Taylor & Francis Online, doi: 10.1179/0040496913Z.00000000021.
“Mercury Unnecessary” describes a bout of insomnia in a relatable way. Cooper details the agonizing state between wakefulness and sleep at night when the brain will not turn itself off. The poem’s subject – who is likely the author – stays vividly cognizant of surroundings and pleads for rest in the quiet stillness of their bed.
The subject is not just annoyed and grouchy after a long day but is experiencing an aching longing for relief:
Does he [the Sandman] find me an unsuitable companion?
Words and memories keep me awake,
And old imaginings have their way with me.
They love me for their mistress. (ll. 5-8)
What is particularly interesting here is the word choice: “have their way with me,” and “their mistress” have a sexual implication not present in the rest of the poem, unless one reads the Sandman as an actual human rather than a supernatural force. These phrases display the lack of power the subject feels through insomnia rather than sexual feelings. “Have their way with me” and “mistress” both imply a forced submission, just as the subject, in their insomnia, is being forced to remain powerless to their old imaginings. This can be brought further into context with the rest of the collection, wherein an anonymous, former, male lover seems to haunt the subject.
The subject takes control and capitulates to these feelings with the line “let them have me,” regardless of the pain they make them feel, since “the alternative is nothing” (ll. 9-11). Nothing at all in that dark little room is the worse choice for them. These feelings can also be interpreted as depressive thoughts, which Cooper, being diagnosed with major depressive disorder, struggles with daily. The memories and thoughts, though painful, are better than emptiness.
The last two lines of the poem, “Maybe writing is not for me, / Perhaps I should make hats,” while a unique and funny ending, are more than just a breath of humor in an otherwise desolate poem. These lines suggest genuine self-doubt through joking self-deprecation and provide a glimpse at what is troubling the subject: insecurity over creative output and quality. These lines also raise a question that implies the subject is wrestling with whether writing is the right path to take within the very lines of the poem itself. This suggests that Cooper themself is the subject of the poem.
The last line of the poem adds further self-deprecation by referencing the title. Ninteenth century felt hatters were in frequent contact with toxic mercury liquors, dusts, and dyes (Heal 104). This unique, industrious kind of mercury poisoning – also known as mad hatter’s disease, and later erethism – is characterized by loss of mental and physical control (Heal 104). By considering changing from writing to hatting, and that mercury would not be required to do so, Cooper suggests that they are already mad.
The term “madness” is not used lightly, as it frames the whole poem: “This is where the madness sets in / In this dark little room late at night, / When the Sandman decides not to visit” (Cooper ll. 1-3). The problem is not the room and time but being awake in that room and at that time, unable to situate in one world. Faced with the prospect of being broken by the past and self-doubt, the subject instead decides to go for broke and release a poetry collection.
Works Cited (for analysis):
Cooper, S. Of Feathers and Fire: Fragments from a Fractured Mind. Penumbra Press, 2016, p. 29.
Heal, Chris. “Alcohol, Madness and a Glimmer of Anthrax: Disease among the Felt Hatters in the Nineteenth Century.” Textile History, vol. 44, no. 1, 2013, pp. 95-119. Taylor & Francis Online, doi: 10.1179/0040496913Z.00000000021.
Bibliography
Primary Sources
Cooper, S. Of feathers and Fire: Fragments from a Fractured Mind. Newcastle, ON: Penumbra Press, 2016.
Cooper, S. Of feathers and Fire: Fragments from a Fractured Mind. Newcastle, ON: Penumbra Press, 2016.
